Bert Christensen's
Truth & Humour Collection

Down Under Idiocy
These came from Australia.

BROOKVALE IDIOT The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man walked into Brookvale Macdonald's at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30am as only the breakfast menu was on offer. Frustrated, the man walked away.

ADELAIDE IDIOTS Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM machine in Adelaide's Henley Street by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their Toyota Landcruiser, but instead of pulling the front panel off the Machine they pulled the bumper off their 4WD. Scared, and attracting attention from oncoming traffic, they left the scene and drove home, with the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. No, they did not use a stolen car.

WOLLONGONG IDIOT A man walked into a Seven-Eleven, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

ROOTY HILL IDIOT Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window with all his might. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Apparently, the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. And the whole event was caught on videotape, which the store owner consequently sold for use on TV.

CAMPBELLTOWN IDIOT As a female shopper exited the Campbelltown K-Mart in Queen Street, a man grabbed her purse and ran. A shop assistant at K-Mart called the Police immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher, trying to mingle in the shopping crowd on Queen Street. They put him in the car and drove back to the K-Mart store. The thief was then taken out of the car and up to the K-Mart front desk and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied; "Yes, Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from ."

PORT MACQUARIE IDIOT When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Port Macquarie street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal petrol and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.He had tried to siphon the petrol by first sucking it up the hose. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.