Bert Christensen's
Truth & Humour Collection
Puns T-Shirt

Better Than Average Puns

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was  Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 

I thought I saw an  eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical  Aleutian. 

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.   

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.  

Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie. 

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana. 

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.   

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother    telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.' 

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.   

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran 

A backward poet writes inverse. 

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects