Polar Bears
Bert Christensen's
Truth & Humour Collection
Man


Men: Some Questions Answered
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say.
Why are men like popcorn? They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.
What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men.
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Slow.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So oxygen can get to their brains.
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? Castrated.
What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men can remember them.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?. The man
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman? A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One...men will screw anything
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch
Why don't men eat more M & M's? They are too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50? Gifted
What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing
What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares!
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
What did God say after he created man? I can do better than this.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote between his toes.