|Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're
||To knock the penises off the smart ones.
|Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
||When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already
|What do you call a handcuffed man?
|What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have
||Men always miss them.
|Why are men like commercials?
||You can't believe a word they say.
|Why are men like popcorn?
||They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
|Why are men like blenders?
||You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
|Why do so many women fake orgasm?
||Because so many men fake foreplay.
|What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
||Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
|What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
|What is the only time a man thinks about a
||When the power goes off.
|What do men and women have in common?
||They both distrust men.
|How can you tell the difference between men's real
gifts and their guilt gifts?
||Guilt gifts are nicer.
|What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
||His wife is good at picking out clothes.
|How is a man like the weather?
||Nothing can be done to change either one of them
|What is the difference between a single 40-year-old
woman and a single 40-year-old man?
||The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children
and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
|Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and
eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
||Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
|What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the
|What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
|Why don't men often show their true feelings?
||Because they don't have any.
|Why do men have a hole in their penis?
||So oxygen can get to their brains.
|What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
|What's the difference between government bonds and
|What's the difference between a man and
||E.T. phoned home.
|Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
||So men can remember them.
|What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis
|What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
||A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman
you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
|What is the thinnest book in the world?
||What men know about women
|How many men does it take to screw in a
||One...men will screw anything
|Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
||Because they don't have balls to scratch
|Why don't men eat more M & M's?
||They are too hard to peel.
|What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
|What's a man's idea of foreplay?
||A half hour of begging.
|How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
|What do men and beer bottles have in common?
||They are both empty from the neck up
|How can you tell if a man is happy?
|How are men and parking spots alike?
||The good ones are always taken and the ones that are
left are handicapped.
|What did God say after he created man?
||I can do better than this.
|What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
||Put the remote between his toes.