Polar Bears
Bert Christensen's
Truth & Humour Collection
Woman in Kitchen


Martha Stewart's Holiday Letter

Dear Friend,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand-painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves.
Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I just had sitting around in my craft room. By then it was time to start making the placemats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret. I didn't have time to make the table and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So, I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can find in almost any Hungarian craft store.

Well, I must run now. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm wearing for breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long - I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. It's a very good thing.

Love,

Martha Stewart

PS - When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries which I grew, picked and crushed last week, just for fun!