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| The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook |
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by Marty Smith, Portland OR
From Free Agent March 1987 (a Portland Oregon alternative newspaper), Republished in the
Utne Reader Nov./Dec. 1993
We have been lucky to discover several previously lost diaries of French philosopher
Jean-Paul Sartre stuck in between the cushions of our office sofa. These diaries reveal a
young Sartre obsessed not with the void, but with food. Apparently Sartre, before
discovering philosophy, had hoped to write "a cookbook that will put to rest all
notions of flavor forever." The diaries are excerpted here for your perusal.
October 3
Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never actually eaten, he gave me
much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin work. How excited I am! I have
begun my formula for a Denver omelette.
October 4
Still working on the omelette. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep creating
omelettes one
after another, like soldiers marching into the sea, but each one seems empty, hollow, like
stone. I want to create an omelette that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and
instead they taste like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back.
Tried eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested paprika.
October 6
I have realized that the traditional omelette form (eggs and cheese) is bourgeois. Today I
tried making one out of cigarette, some coffee, and four tiny stones. I fed it to
Malraux,
who puked. I am encouraged, but my journey is still long.
October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort
to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:
Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it
forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the
bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna
casserole and not some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustrated.
October 25
I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire cookbook. Rather, I now
seek a single recipe which will, by itself, embody the plight of man in a world ruled by
an unfeeling God, as well as providing the eater with at least one ingredient from each of
the four basic food groups. To this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of foodstuffs from
the corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen, refusing to admit anyone. After
several weeks of work, I produced a recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup of flour, four
tons of beef, and a leek. While this is a start, I am afraid I still have much work ahead.
November 15
Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a live beaver,
challenging the very definition of the word cake. I was very pleased. Malraux said he
admired it greatly, but could not stay for dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most
profound achievement yet, and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
November 30
Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had hoped. During the
judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty Crocker on the wrist. The beaver's
powerful jaws are capable of felling blue spruce in less than ten minutes and proved,
needless to say, more than a match for the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I
only got third place. Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty lawsuit.
December 1
I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am now experiencing
light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and ultimate solitude are still as
authentic as they were when I was thin, but seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I
will live on cigarettes and black coffee.
Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario
web site: http://bertc.com
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